The GOP Debate-A-Thon

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14

MORE 

EPISODES

TO GO!

We're still not sure if this is some new kind of reality show.  It seems to be a weird hybrid of American Idol, Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? and The Jerry Springer Show. No one ever  gets eliminated, and it's difficult to tell who's the winner, or exactly what the rules are. None of the contestants are particularly likeable, and their biggest talents seem to be spouting off bumper-sticker slogans (nine! nine! NINE!, OBAMACARE is the root of all evil!) and shouting one another down.

   The game sometimes comes very close to getting physical, and with 14 more shows to go, it's inevitable that Rick Perry will get into a shoving match with someone.This gives it kind of a NASCAR feel, like sitting through hour after droning hour, waiting for the crash.

    The audiences are bloodthirsty as hell, cheering things like executions and death to the uninsured. They actually booed a gay serviceman who submitted a video question about Don't Ask Don't Tell. The contestants blithely ignored this behavior, thus giving their tacit approval.

     In order to boost ratings, the contestants will be doing the following in the weeks to come.  Think of it as the "talent portion" of the competition.

• Self-proclaimed unemployed person Mitt Romney will fill out a Food Stamp application all by himself. 
• Since last summer's corn dog photo op proved so popular, Michele Bachmann will unhinge her jaw and swallow a live rat.
• Rick Perry will bring an actual convict to be executed on live TV.
• Rick Santorum will bring his home made "fetus puppets" and act out a story about the evils of Single Parenthood.
• Herman Cain will prepare his specialty dessert pizza, "Apples & Oranges" for the entire crowd.
• Jon Huntsman will give us all a language lesson, "Swearing in Chinese" 
• Ron Paul will demonstrate rolling the perfect doobie.

A swimsuit competition was unanimously voted down, partly in anticipation of a late entry by New Jersey governor Chris Christie, but mostly because nobody wanted to see Rick Santorum's man boobs.
  Look for more comedy gold in the months to come. Even though you'd never vote for them, Republicans ARE your best entertainment value.

Here's the schedule.